Arse*al are apparently on the verge of opening up a Zoo my source has sneaked a look at some of the creatures they'll be displaying.
The Seaman Emu (harfwaylinus cocup): This Emu is respected throughout for it's legendary protective instincts, however it is known to flap aimlessly when attacked by any member of the Hotspurus Rejector species,
The Dixon Carthorse (lacov-brane footballis): A creature content to run up and down fields in straight lines for days, the Dixon serves no real purpose to his herd and has a fascination with hording red objects.
The Keown Ape (ugliuss bastid): A primate often found on the fringes of the England team,
it's horrendous facial structure has excluded it from acceptence within his community,
he shares a resemblence with the Dowie and Beardsley species.
The Adams Donkey (alkhe eeor): This 4-legged creature's life revolves around the watering hole,
a clumsy un-coordinated animal lacking the finesse and grace of the Campbell Stallion.
Spends it's early life going in and out of stables and likes a nosebag.
The Winterburn Puffin (totalus pussio): Reknown for it's cowardice the Winterburn Puffin provokes confrontation only to back out at the last moment. A perfect example seen with recent footage of his encounter with the Di Canio Owl.
The Viera Giraffe (peehed criybabi): This long gangly creature has an incredibly small head which contains an even smaller
brain making it prone to illusions. The Viera giraffe will often think he's being attacked by other creatures and let out and ear
piercing whine, when in fact he is the agressor.
The Petit Poodle (biggurlls blowzz): His impressive mane and exterior disguise this dog's greatest ability, the Petit Poodle
exists with no heart. You will often find it on the edge of battles unwilling to get involved as he has an impressives bark but no
bite.
The Overmars Orangutang (klosset homo): A rare species due to it's sexual attraction to other males , it will take a female partner purely to disguise this fact. Deceptively fast, but spends most of it's time with other males searching for blue oysters.
The Bergkamp Dodo (parstit yiddophan): Flightless with a big beak, the Bergkamp Dodo was once the envy of the Animal
Kingdom but it developed a revolting Red and White plummage and has since become a non-flying joke, as he is so
expensive to keep but provides little entertainment value.
The Anelka Rat (homeosik ratboye): This Rat is a terrible hunter who wastes countless oppurtunites to kill his prey, when he
does it is often in spectacular fashion but he mostly relies on scouring for others leftovers. Does'nt like to stay in any one place
too long, a homely creature.
The Wenger Vulture (khidee mollestur): A vile scavenger who prays on the young offspring of other creatures, his hooked
beak and beady eyes are instantly recognisable. Strangely can be seen to give a cheeky smile if fed with a packet of sweets.
Courtesy of Mr T from the Spurs Interactive board